Mommy, I Remember You

Here I sit, 3AM the morning of your funeral, lost, despairing, seeking some kind of relief.  I need to write.

I want to read at the funeral in honor of you, but all I can come up with is pain. No positive memories I recall...this is awful.  I can't read this at the funeral (all that came out was painful memories).

 Please God help me see the truth.

Mommy, I Remember You
I remember you~each Spring when the flowers bloom, purple Iris full and sweet
I remember you~you touched my hair and rubbed my head
I remember you~spirit of the feline and the kittens meow
I remember you~I hear your voice in the choir's glory
I remember you~you filled our stocking and hearts with joy
I remember you~your touch, your gaze, rocking me in your arms--feeling loved
I remember you~music on the radio--special songs you sing
I remember you~horoscopes to encourage our souls
I remember you~your daughters each are you--never to be lost--guided by you
I remember you~the sons you never bore, yet they appeared
I remember you~your sisters are here and forever near
I remember you~sorrow filled eyes and hearts of friends so true
I remember you~a grandson so new
I remember you~Eskimo kisses for a scared little girl
I remember you~the flowers we planted still bloom, never to die
Mommy, I remember you,you touched my soul, a cherished feeling to hold
I remember you.  My heart hurts, breaks and mends as I reflect on our lives.

The struggle is over, the pain no more, the freedom beings, so soar baby soar.

Mom, there was so much pain in our lives. I could never accept the conditions of your love. I fought and struggled to create peace for you, for me, for us along the way. I found barriers I could not move and had no power over. Through defeat, despair and hopelessness, I chose to change, to fight for my life, to turn my life over to the care of a loving non-judgmental God. It has been a painful path to choose, especially when it came to you. I pray that you know I always wished you rainbows. Now you can have a rainbow in your heart. I will always remember the flowers we planted, the three little pigs, the way you touched my hair.

No one could be you Mom, no one. I always wanted you. I know you were deprived of the love and touch you needed and deserved. Now you have them in abundance.

copyright, April 1993, wlg